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the annoying thing is about living with depression is you never know when it's going to hit you. Here I am, healthy, beautiful family, comfortable enough with money and stuff, and yet I am having a day of guilty, anxiety and irritability. Over NOTHING. I manage my depression responsibly - I don't believe in taking it out on those around me. I am a passionate believer that life is all about choices. Everything you do is a choice. I feel like crap, I feel like binge eating, yelling at my kids and crying. But I"m not doing that, by exercising my right to choose what I do. I wish more people would get a grip and stop blaming everything and everyone else for their behaviour. You CAN choose to not yell at your kids, partner, hit the wall, speed, whatever. Here am I with the most awful internal dialogue going on, but I am choosing to not let it show. Funny thing is, when I had my crash earlier in the year, my boss said to me after the fact that she was sure whe was told the wrong thing about me crashing out and going to see the psych team - "You always seem so level". Well feeling that way does not mean I have to act that way. Sometimes when Ireally feel sorry for myself (for whatever reason) I will act out, and then I feel so bad, and have to ask forgiveness for that. there is really no excuse for it. I don't have the right to take my stupid feelings out on others. Right now, I just wish that I wasn't feeling the way I was feeling, even though I am not hurting anyone. I am hurting myself. I would much rather be able to always enjoy my life and family, all the time, not just when the clouds lift.